What a day....

That's such a "meh"title for what has been a real come down few hours.

We went to the antenatal refresher course and hospital tour.
Hospital looks lovely, not a homely as the MLU I spent the first days with the boys in in Stroud, but much nicer than the Orchard Wing at Gloucester Royal infirmary where they were actually born.

We were shown an array of labour and delivery rooms, including one with a fixed pool and one which had the kind of inflatable pool you can hire for use at home. I asked what were my chances of being able to labour in water - nil. It wasn't unexpected, but I cried a bit.
It's not the lack of water birth per se, or even that even labouring in water sounds like it's also out, disappointing though that is (actually that's understating it to be honest).
It's that I'm not even allowed to aspire to the kind of birth I want and know would be better for me.
No, for me it's the epidural - which every one else is being told will slow labour, and the catheter that goes with it, and the constant monitoring that means you can't be mobile - which everyone else is being told will slow labour. And the no water to labour in - which everyone else is being told is one of the best ways to aid labour and provide pain relief. And the syntocinon whether I need it or not, and artificial rupture of membranes for at least twin 2, which leads to an increased chance of instrumental delivery.

Kind of makes you wonder why you shouldn't just book the man with the knife right now.


And then we came home and I phoned my dad to say happy birthday and to suggest that he and mum might like to come over at half term and help when I have the boys at home all day on my own before the babies are born - but for all they "want to help" it turns out they actually mean once the babies are here, they don't think they can manage to come twice and clearly when they want to come is more important than when I need them to come.

And J phoned his dad who also won't commit to when he's coming...
And I only thought he was coming because he said he would.

So all in all, feeling pretty low.