We'd never had a Christmas before that was just us and the children. We've actually only ever had one that was just us, and to be honest we regretted that one a bit as it turned out to be J's mum's last...
No, the first year we were together we each spent Christmas with our own parents, J travelling to mine on Boxing day. The next year we spent Christmas eve at his parents and made the 4 hour drive to mine after brunch to be there in time for dinner - motorway services are strange places on Christmas Day.
After that we had our own place and everyone came to us. And I do mean everyone, for the first few years we had both sets of parents plus J's sister and her now husband - though they also spent some time with his family.
Once everyone started having children it became a bit more chaotic but we'd always have either his side of the family or mine there for Christmas. One year we all went away together which was lovely.
Last year, our first on this bit of granite rock in the english channel, both my parents and J's dad joined us. It would have been lovely, had I not come down with real proper flu on Christmas eve and J succumbed on Boxing Day. No one was properly well, no one really felt like eating and we felt a huge burden to try to be the life and soul of the party.
So this year we decided would be "Just Us". Father in law would go with J's sister and her husband and spend Christmas day with her in laws. My parents would have Christmas either with my brother and his wife in Stamford or else on their own in Wales.
I confess I was a bit apprehensive, I love a big family (or even better, non family) party and like having lots of people to feed and make merry with.
It was lovely though. There was no pressure on us to do anything we didn't want to, or to work to anyone else' timetable, no trying to mediate between the needs of several generations - oh the times we've had whinging because there is yet another cartoon film on tv, yes, you read that right, the adults whinging. No this year we did exactly as we pleased, when we pleased.
It was exactly what we needed too, even on holiday there's a pressure to see things, and do things and I get antsy if I feel we're missing something, whereas J is content to sit and watch the world go by.
Being 25 weeks pregnant with twins has slowed me though, brought me more into line with his rhythms and we had such a wonderful time together.
The new year will bring a lot of tough stuff I'm sure, but we are the stronger and the better for our peaceful Christmas and we'll weather it together.
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