Birth story is coming...

As soon as I've typed it out!
Sorry for a silent 2 weeks...

In brief: I had the twins, was in hospital best part of a week, had a blood transfusion, came home, husband got ill, sent him to doctor, doctor sent him to the hospital, hospital admitted him with serious infection.
He spent 3 days on an IV.
He's home, things are settling down...

And counting down...

It's 5 am, or thereabouts. I need to be at the hospital in three hours to start the end stage of this whole process.
So I'm thinking about the last nine months  of baby preparations rather than dwell on the idea of an operation and blood transfusions etc.

9 months ago was July, my birthday, and we went out for a wonderful meal. It was that weekend that these two monkeys must have been conceived...
Soon afterward the school term ended and I headed back to the UK with the children, sometimes with J and sometimes just the me and the boys. It was a very busy time and I was shattered as I worked to sort out the UK house for the holiday rental market while also trying to give the boys a fun summer holiday, see family etc.
J's birthday falls in early August and with the boys and I in the UK and him in Guernsey he took a day off to make a long weekend and flew over to join us. August or not, the fog caused issues with flights that weekend too and he had to waste his day off sitting at the airport waiting for a plane.

We had a fun weekend and he headed back. Originally I'd been heading back too, but there was a lot of work to do so we decided the boys and I'd stay another week and he'd come back to collect us, flying into Gatwick where his dad would collect him and come to help for the weekend.

Between the 6th and 10th of August 2012 a madness descended on certain parts of the UK and I sat up late watching the footage as London burned.
Even that didn't explain my tiredness but I'd been so busy that I'd not realised that I'd missed a period. In my head I'd always know that I was due on my return journey to the island. But of course I'd delayed my return, and not thought about it.
Even when a friend of mine, Lynda, suggested that the exhaustion and nausea might be symptomatic of pregnancy I laughed it off. Yes, it was possible, but we'd been apart for the best part of a month, we'd only seen each other the weekend before, far too soon for hormones to have kicked in.
I'd missed completely the fact that actually I was already 2 weeks late...

I was cleaning when it dawned on me. J was due to arrive that evening, with his dad.
I bought  a test kit and waited for him, but I'd done the maths, checked my diary and was pretty sure. We were having another baby, after all the discussing and debating and planning, number four as almost certainly on his or her way.

J "does numbers" like I do words. He'd come to the same conclusion days before but wanted us to be together when we found out so had said nothing. We snatched a few minutes alone to each reveal our theory on my health.
Next morning I took the test kit to the loo and brought it back to bed, handing it to J to be checked as I had first time around. Sure enough, within seconds the words flashed up: "Pregnant 2-3 weeks".

We came back to Guernsey and I was about 9 weeks when I saw the GP, who was annoyed that I had waited so long to get into the system, but at least by that time we had got our heads round the fact that we were going to be the parents of a family of four.

And three weeks later we had that fateful scan, when we discovered that in future we'd need ALL the fingers of a hand to count our children.

And now it's 5.30am, on what will be their birthday, and life will never be the same again.

Any requests?

Apparently I can choose the music I want the babies to be born to, a playlist for theatre.
So what would you choose?

Sentimental?
Paul Anka - Having my Baby...
The Beatles - Here Comes the Sun...

Inspirational?
Leann Rimes - I hope You'll Dance

Funny?
The Verve - The Drugs don't work
Pink - I'm coming out So You'd better get this party started...


So, tell me, what should be on the playlist?

The Arse?

A midwife I know tells me that no one has their baby until they first experience "The Arse".

This is that irrational unreasonableness that descends like a red mist over the heavily pregnant woman, sending her into frenzies of cleaning and demanding that "someone paint the spare room window frames NOW!" Because this baby cannot possibly be born until it has been done.
"The Arse" is that point at which you would cheerfully perform your own caesarian section with a wooden spoon from the baking drawer in the kitchen.

I'm not sure I'm quite there yet, but I'm pretty fed up. Insomnia is a killer - especially with a HB of 7.7, or lower. I can't get comfortable and I have had enough.

On happier notes, the car is back, at huge cost :weep: though the guy at the garage tried to make me feel better by cataloging the list of complaints the OTHER Alhambra in this week had had, and how much that would have cost to fix - it was older than mine, remind me to sell mine in about 4.5 years....

J's dad came through surgery and has been sent "home", well to J's sister's, this weekend as there's a vomiting bug on the ward so I think they wanted as many people as could go, gone.

I made 3 dozen cupcakes tonight for a Scouts cake sale tomorrow. The boys have football in the morning, and then I have to shop and meal plan for next week, when I'll be a bit busy...

Hard times...

Yesterday my car died on me, it was fine, absolutely fine to drive to the hospital for my midwife appointment and back, and then to Waitrose and back. I unloaded the shopping and made up a picnic intending to take mum and Ben and meet J for lunch by the sea. We got into the car. I started the engine.
It chugged and died, I tried again, same thing and a warning "Emissions Workshop!"
I called J, then the AA, then a local SEAT garage.
The AA came and took it away.
I'm waiting to hear what it will cost to repair, it won't be pretty...

Meanwhile FIL is in Harefield Hospital and very ill.

There have been days of waiting for results etc but we're beginning to get a clearer picture. His heart's in a bad way. They can't do a bypass as there is too much dead tissue already. So tomorrow they'll operate to put in 3 stents, as a "holding measure". 

J can't get there, even if I weren't about to have the twins, the airport is fog bound. And anyway, things get worse...

I had a phone call last night to tell me that an old friend from Salisbury had died. 

Dene was only 51, and had everything to live for, great children, a wonderful wife, a community who adored him and lovely faith in God.  He died suddenly on Sunday morning and the world will be a poorer place without him. My world certainly will, and that of the twins, as we would have asked him to be their Godfather. I'm so thankful that he and Bev, his wife, came to stay with us last summer and the children got to know him. He was a Group Scout leader and had led the cubs along with Bev while I was a youth worker in Salisbury.  He will be so missed and so many lives were the richer for knowing him, young men and women the country over owe him a debt for the things he taught them and inspired them to do.

And then this morning I've had an anaesthetist appointment, and as ever I'm not straightforward.  My iron levels have now dropped to 7.7, I will need a transfusion. In fact they're talking about giving me 2 units on Friday, to give it chance to oxygenate before the caesarian, and then more during the op itself.

It never rains but it pours eh?

Stable...

J's dad seems stable.
Thought you'd want to know, it's not yet clear whether he had a heart attack, or just heart attack like symptoms.
What we do know is that he has fluid around his heart and his kidneys aren't working properly. Either problem could have caused the other.
We should know more when they can get enough of the fluid off to be able to do the angiogram and if necessary angioplasty.

For now, J is staying here with me, mum arrives tonight too. Then I guess the babies can come when they're ready...

While we wait for news I thought I'd share this with you

Below is a message I had from someone who had read my c-section fretting. I found it really pretty reassuring so thought I'd share. Not least because sharing my fears might have added fears for others if you see what I mean...




Hi!

I hope you dont mind me messaging you, I had a planned c-section last Friday and just wanted to reassure you really that its not as bad as you think itll be.

I was super nervous before hand but its been a really positive experience, were now home and Im well on the way to recovery.

Things I would say are I definatly agree with the big pants, they need to come up to your waist so that you have nothing on the wound, also I've just stuck to wearing my leggings and maternity track suit bottoms for now as its good to be comfy.

I wore a nighty the first night but as soon as the catheter was out on Saturday morning I was able to put some loose PJ bottoms on, then got dressed properly on Sunday.

Please please dont worry about the catheter, do you know it was so nice not having to get up and down to the loo like Ive had to for the last few months, I almost didnt want them to take it out! They fitted it once the spinal was in so didnt feel a thing and took it out on Saturday morning. Unfortunately you have to have one as they measure your urine output from it.

Drink loads of water while you are in hospital as if you dont wee enough they will put it back in!!

It was such a relaxed operation, I promise its a breeze. The day after I wont lie, I was in a lot of pain, but they got on top of it and I just chilled. I woke up on Sunday and felt sooo much better, just remember the next day will always be better than today until you feel normal again! Press your buzzer and ask for help, they dont mind and thats what they are there for. I needed them to pass me the baby as I couldnt lean into his cot and they were fine, they also did his nappies the first night for me. I was most scared about having the spinal but as soon as that was in I didnt feel a thing, they let me choose the music, everyone was relaxed and chatty and within 1/2 hour I had my baby!

All in all, Id take the planned section over labour and birth everytime now (not that I'm having any more!).

We came home yesterday and I've been pottering, I've rested too but having Sophia (17 months) its quite hard to just sit but its been nice doing a few things with her. Im much more mobile than I thought I'd be which is great! Midwife came today so suggested having baths to keep the scar clean so Im off there now!

Please try not to worry, you'll be so well looked after xxxx

And I thought I had reason to moan...

I wrote the previous blog post, had a long chat with my parents on the phone telling them all about parents' evening, asking mum to bring me big "tummy warmer" knickers from Asda when she comes to stay (apparently these are essential post section) etc.
And put the phone down, two minutes later it rang again, it was a mobile number which I thought odd.
I answered, and it was J's sister "Oh Hi!" I said "How are you?"
"Not good actually, is J there?"
It looks like his dad's had a heart attack, another. He barely survived the last one, before I met J.
And this time we're here and I am about to have twins.
We're just waiting to hear what the assessment suggests is going on.
And J will have to decide whether to leave me here and go, or not go. No airline would let me fly. No GP would consent.

Bugger.

Whinge, whinge, moan, moan... and a yay!

I do not want a caesarian.
There is no part of me that is able to think of this as a good thing - well other than the obvious risks of having a transverse baby.
I do not want a catheter, I really, really don't.
Breastfeeding is tough in the early days, it'll be tougher with twins, tougher with 37 weekers and apparently tougher following a caesarian section. Plus presumably they'll be a bit lighter than average, so a small weight loss with be a bigger %age of body weight and therefore a bigger issue.
And then there's the operation itself, and the recovery.
And did I say, "I don't want a catheter"?

I feel like a spoilt teenager, but I don't want this and I don't know how to get past it. And I have to because Twin One is bobbing between breech and transverse and that doesn't make for a safe vaginal delivery.

Tell me to pull myself together!!!

Friends continue to be fabulous!

Meanwhile, tonight was parents' evening at the boys school. When we made the appointments we really weren't at all sure I'd make it, but we did and I'm so glad.
Both boys are doing extremely well at school - I'm glowing with Pride. I'm almost ashamed to write it. Of Josiah the teacher said "Oh I just love him!"
He's friends with everyone, and always willing. He's ahead of all his targets and racing forward, he's confident to speak in front of groups and enthusiastic to share his thoughts. And you'd never know he's among the youngest in the year group.
Of Sam we heard that he's top of the year for reading, that with some concentration on punctuation he'll be top for writing, he's ahead on maths and science. He has nothing to do with silliness in the classroom but is always up for fun in the playground. He's focussed and never needs calling back to the task, his teacher can leave him to get on and be confident that he will do just that.
What paragons of virtue! Of course they're barely recognisable as the children we know at home. But I'd rather it was that way round!

So, I know the latest they'll be born...

I saw the consultant today.
I have a date for a caesarian section to deliver the twins. Eeek!
They could come sooner of course, either if they decide to make a swift exit, or if I decide I've really had enough, and believe me there have been many days in the last week where I was ready,  but the longer they're "in" and feeding and breathing, and keeping warm are all taken care of the better.

Still I now know they'll be here by X date...